sssmommy
Female
Tennessee


this is my space, a place to call my own, a place for me to face my own inner-space...


"hey it's me, i'm dynamite and i don't know why"
summer 2007






this summer sun has been good for me!!!
october 2006






me with no hair!!!
summer 2005







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some good reading:
contrary goddess
more contrary goddess
signs of life
abbynormal
tea with ren
growgreengrapes
jill writes
my art blog
my etsy page
postsecret
vast gallery
etsygreetings



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Sunday, September 02, 2007
what's up now...

well, it's been three years since i started this blog.  i haven't always been real good about updating it though.  so anyway, what's up now is this:

we are moving back to tennessee.  it has been a wonderful three years here in charleston, but it is time to go home.

i got on here thinking i had all sorts of things to write about...but it seems i really don't and nothing is coming to me.



Currently reading:
Winnie-the-Pooh (Pooh Original Edition)
By A. A. Milne


Currently listening to:
The Reminder
By Feist


Currently watching:
The Astronaut Farmer
Staring Billy Bob Thornton


Currently listening to:
Light and Day
By The Polyphonic Spree



Posted at 9/2/2007 9:10:33 am by sssmommy
what do you think??  

Thursday, June 28, 2007
i got memed

okay CG, i'm finally getting around to it.

~~~Each player lists 8 facts/habits about themselves. The rules of the game are posted at the beginning before those facts/habits are listed. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment, letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.~~~

first off, i do not know 8 bloggers...at all!!!  so there.

1. i am constantly confused about where i'm going and i never feel fully settled.

2. i have a hard time throwing away boxes that stuff comes in.  same with glass jars.

3. i will always hate my hair and wish i were prettier.

4. i am left/right dyslexic...after all these years, i've finally decided to put a label on it, that makes it easier to communicate to someone why they simply should not ask me for directions or when the eye dr. asks me which way the thingamajig is pointing in the eye test...that the reason my response is slow is not because i can't see it, but because....."i am left/right dyslexic"....and it takes me a minute to figure it out.

5. i've almost forgotten how to have fun.

6. one of my favorite old songs is "the year of the cat" by al stewart.  one of my favorite new songs is "we are nowhere and it's now" by bright eyes.

7. every single night i dream about houses.

8. i'm learning how to like people.

the end...and, nope, no tags for me...i know no one....



Currently listening to:
Lose Yourself
By Eminem




Currently watching:
Firefly - The Complete Series
Staring Ron Glass


Currently watching:
Serenity (Widescreen Edition)
Staring Morena Baccarin


Currently listening to:
I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning
By Bright Eyes



Posted at 6/28/2007 9:33:25 am by sssmommy
Comments (4)  

Sunday, March 25, 2007
wankers!!

every time i watch british comedy, i want to be able to use words like "wanker" or "bullocks"...it just sounds so cool...but i am not cool.

i remember watching "young ones" in high school and being completely enamored with ric ("with a silent p") and i wanted to be able to say things like "piss off" and "bloody hell" with ease.  but i never did, well not unless we were all playing around...never in regular conversation.

watching "harry potter" (or even reading it for that matter), i want to incorporate into my regular speech things like "brilliant" and "dormitory" (said "dormitry")...much like listening to the smith's "cemetary gates" makes me want to say it "cemetry."

sometime last year we got the complete "young ones" on dvd at the library.  i later heard sadie saying "you bastard" with the perfect accent on all the right parts so much so that at first i hadn't known what she'd said.  i asked her and then asked where she heard it.  she said "the young ones."  this was good for a laugh.  here i'd been watching it, going down memory lane remembering how much i used to love shouting "school's out forever!  come on everybody, let all your hair's hang out!"; while my daughter was learning some favorite new phrases of her own.

i have never told my kids they couldn't use "bad words."  telling them what they mean generally gives them the opportunity to make that decision for themselves.  still, it's not something you want your little daughter to go around saying...especially being hard core unschoolers.  people tend to find any excuse to get into your business and you know, "no one ever expects a spanish inquisition!"  but you can try to avoid one.

well, bloody hell!!



Currently reading:
Fragile Things: Short Fictions and Wonders
By Neil Gaiman


Currently watching:
Star Trek Deep Space Nine - The Complete Second Season
Staring Star Trek Deep Space Nine


Currently listening to:
Lua
By Bright Eyes



Posted at 3/25/2007 4:24:46 pm by sssmommy
Comments (3)  

Tuesday, February 20, 2007
update....sort of

on january 9th.  scotty's mom passed away.  it has been a difficult time, but we are all doing well, considering.  of the kids, it's been the hardest for samuel.  he and scotty both have daily breakdowns. 

i haven't felt much like posting anything lately.  i've been staying absorbed in other things.

thanks to everyone who has been so supportive and kind.

i'm sure i'll return to my usual meanderings soon.



Currently listening to:
Come on Pilgrim
By Pixies




Currently reading:
Waifs and Strays
By Charles de Lint


Currently reading:
Prodigal Summer: A Novel
By Barbara Kingsolver



Posted at 2/20/2007 6:45:54 pm by sssmommy
Comment (1)  

Tuesday, January 02, 2007
mortality

i just talked with scotty.  he won't be home until saturday now.  he called me this weekend while we were still at my parents' house to let me know he'd be staying longer..until friday.  he told me his cousin was going downhill again after 2 years of remission from cancer.  that was saturday.  today, he called to tell me that his cousin died this morning.  he was 37.  he has a wife and 2 kids....had?

this isn't even why he's been gone...it's just more of what's going on down there..the rest of the picture.

scotty is still helping take care of his mother who also has cancer.  how long she will hang in there is still unknown.

when he called i thought he was telling me it was his mother that had died...and it made me realize just how terrible that moment will be.  i couldn't breathe.

i wrote a letter to his mother recently and i was talking about how i think we have children for the same reason we have mirrors...to see our own reflection when we look into them...and to see the effects of the passing of time.  i often think that without mirrors or my children to look at i might not notice it at all.

death in the family makes us think of our own mortality.  our own passing of time.  our own dying every day.  it seems like too much to bear sometimes.

i've spent the last 7 months thinking about death on a daily basis.  literally many times throughout the day.  just thinking i was going to die any minute.  i would try to think about some future thing and i would think about the fact that i might die any day and it wouldn't matter anyway.  perspective.  real death puts that kind of thinking into perspective.  makes me get outside of my own fears about dying...that there is REAL death going on and that i need to stop thinking about IMAGINARY death and get on with my life.

still, sometimes, it's like holding my breath...just waiting.

i don't want to wait like that.

i don't want to worry...i want to live.

and i'm trying.

yoda says "there is no try...only do"



Currently listening to:
Put Your Records On
By Corinne Bailey Rae



Posted at 1/2/2007 1:49:06 pm by sssmommy
Comments (5)  

Saturday, December 09, 2006
unwritten

for those of you who are sick and tired of hearing this song....plug your ears (or cover your eyes as it were).

this is my theme song right now.

"Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh, oh

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else

Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten


Currently reading:
Pigs in Heaven
By Barbara Kingsolver


Currently listening to:
When I Was a Boy
By Jane Siberry



Posted at 12/9/2006 9:43:58 am by sssmommy
Comments (2)  

Wednesday, December 06, 2006
out of the mouths of babes

we were watching a movie the other night ("broken flowers" with bill murray) and he has this really interesting neighbor, and...

i said:  "why don't we have neighbors like that??"

samuel said:  "WE are 'that' neighbor!!"

i laughed so hard, had to stop the movie for a second.

other good movies we've watched lately (and some sort of so so ones with too much hype):

"off the map"...this is an excellent movie.  it's got homesteading, homeschooling, love, craziness, depression, death, and art....it is a must see.

"brokeback mountain"...this i think was way too hyped.  i was left feeling very little at the end.  i thought the relationship between the two men was well played by the actors...very believable.

"chicken little"...whatever you do, do not pay good money to see this.  glad we got it at the library.  i hated this movie within 2 seconds.  it is just bad bad bad.

"benny and joon"...this has johnny depp in it, so of course it is worth watching just for that.  but i saw this about 13 years ago or so.  wanted to watch it again.  it is beautifully done.  and of course there's mary stuart masterson, one of my early crushes (from the movie "some kind of wonderful").  another good movie we plan to get again with jd is "what's eating gilbert grape"...very very good stuff!

there will be few deep wells here for awhile, so get used to this sort of fluff!!





Currently reading:
The Bean Trees: A Novel
By Barbara Kingsolver



Posted at 12/6/2006 10:03:39 am by sssmommy
Comments (5)  

Tuesday, November 21, 2006
my art blog

i just finished FINALLY putting together my art blog.  i will be updating it with some newer stuff soon.  pretty much all the paintings except for the self portrait were done summer through fall 2005.

my art blog



Currently listening to:
Unwritten
By Natasha Bedingfield



Posted at 11/21/2006 12:11:21 pm by sssmommy
what do you think??  

Sunday, November 19, 2006
duct tape to the rescue

 

i had to tape this chair today...i haven't had to fix anything with duct tape in awhile.  apparently we use this chair more now that we have internet access on our computer.

i'm reminded of a long time ago when scotty and i were first "dating" (we never actually went on a typical date).  we used to ride around on his motorcycle all the time.  one time, we were broke down on the side of the road.  turned out to be some sort of cracked hose.  scotty, being the guy, got all mad.  i looked over at the seat...he had used black electrical tape to patch cracks in it...i reached over and pulled a piece off and said "use this to fix it."  now, i don't know anything about fixing a motorcycle but i do know that a rubber tube can be patched with tape.  i do believe that is the moment when he knew i was the woman for him.  and so he married me.

i have always been real resourceful like that.  i watched "giligan's island" as a kid and thought that would be the coolest thing...to make what you needed out of whatever you could find.  i still think that.  i haven't watched a single episode of "lost" but i know if i did i would be hooked...except, well, i don't care for the drama of it all...i just want the survival stuff.  robinson crusoe, swiss family robinson...love that stuff.



Currently listening to:
God Bless the Child
By Billie Holiday



Posted at 11/19/2006 7:27:19 pm by sssmommy
Comments (4)  

Saturday, November 18, 2006
random shower thoughts

my mind is all over the place.  i often think i need to have some long (and "deep") entry...i don't know why.  but today i thought i would just share some of my random shower thoughs:

hot water is relative:  like time, how long the hot water lasts is relative.  depending on what time of year it is.  when it's hot out, there seems to be an endless supply...because you don't exactly want to stand there all day in the hot water.  but when it starts getting cold, it's like all that hot water only lasts minutes...it's all relative!!

flickr is addictive:  i think about all the pictures i've looked at and the ones i've loaded and what comments people will make...or what i want to say about this or that.  i love finding really cool groups and seeing how unique each person's vision on a theme is.  and how creative people can be with their cameras...and even their scanners as one guy found out when his camera was broken and to keep up with the 365 group he started using his scanner.  i love that i can share pictures with friends and family far away...especially since i ran out of ink in my printer!!!  flickr rocks....thanks for introducing me to it CG (and sometimes i want to also say "damn you CG for infecting me with the flickr bug!!")

shampoo:  i use more shampoo now than i have in a long time...letting my hair grow out and all.  and here's what else i noticed, on the rare occasion when i "wash, rinse and repeat"...i find that the second time around requires a lot less soap, is my hair really that dirty on the first go round??  why yes it is!!!  i shower maybe once a week....ooooh, some of you might be saying.  but it is the truth!!

windows:  i remember CG talking about windows years and years ago.  she said that basically windows try to serve too many purposes...so the best windows don't.  something along those lines.  i've always remembered that.  i was thinking about how us moms are like that as well.  how we try to be everything to everyone all the time.  it can be so hard.  i heard it said years ago that you CAN have it all...just not at the same time.  i think that is so true.  CG has windows like that in her house, serving different purposes, just not all at the same time.  i love thinking about windows...i love looking at windows...

control:  i've been thinking about how much i have tried to control in the past...and how much i still do...but i'm working on letting go.  it is so very hard, the letting go.  i didn't realize how much i was holding on until i started letting go.  standing back and letting things be...just BE!!  letting my kids have more freedom to make their own choices...even if it messes up the kitchen!!  and cleaning their rooms when THEY decide it is way out of control and they can't find anything anymore.  not telling my husband that he needs to watch what he's eating at work (that is terribly difficult for me!).  saying "yes" more and "no" less.  this is all hard, but i know it gets me closer to my ideal of a totally unschooled life for my family.



Currently listening to:
Eddie & The Cruisers - Soundtrack
By Various Artists


Currently reading:
Don't Bother Me Mom--I'm Learning!
By Marc Prensky



Posted at 11/18/2006 12:29:50 pm by sssmommy
what do you think??  

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